Thank you for supporting American Heart Association! Your contribution is greatly appreciated! Here are the limited time PRIZE levels:
$5 - A personalized thank you e-mail, which will be a little sarcastic, pointing out that the whole "every dollar counts" thing was just being polite, and that, if you dug deep, I'm sure you could have swung a double digit donation.
$10 - A personalized thank you e-mail, which will commend you for reaching double digit level.
$25 - A personalized thank you e-mail, which will commend you for donating as much as two double digit people, plus one of those $5 stragglers who will be getting a sarcastic e-mail.
$26.20 - A personalized thank you e-mail, which will recognize your creativity in donating a dollar per mile, were this a marathon, even though it is not.
$36 - A personalized thank you e-mail, which will say something Jewish-y in recognition of that donations-in-a-multiple-of-18 thing that Jewish people sometimes do.
$50 - A personalized thank you e-mail, which will be more effusive, 'cause now we're starting to get into some seriously legit numbers.
$100 - A hand-written thank you letter, written on stationary, with a US Postal Service stamp affixed, mailed to you at your most current place of residence, as on file with the Janis / Goodyear holiday letter Excel address list.
$500 - A one night stay at our condo in Jamaica Plain (Leslie doesn’t know about this yet, so please, let’s keep it on the down low for the time being), with use of my T pass, a Dan Janis signature breakfast (oatmeal – plain, no sugar, no milk and all you can drink coffee). Not available to anyone allergic to cats.
$1,000 - A two night stay at our condo in Jamaica Plain. I'll get an Uber to go anywhere you want within the Boston city limits. Bagels and lox (2 days). All you can drink coffee (2 days). A walking tour of Centre Street in Jamaica Plain. 2 (non-premium) alcoholic beverages at Costello's.
$5,000 - Everything from the $1,000 prize, plus I'll wash your car.
$10,000 - Everything from the $5,000 prize, plus a complete make-over, hair blow-out, wardrobe consultation, cheesecake of the month club membership for one year, and I'll walk your dog every day for a week.
$50,000 - Everything from the $10,000 prize, plus I'll write your kid's college application essays and give him / her "the talk" the first time you find weed hidden in his / her sock drawer.
$100,000 - Everything from the $50,000 prize, plus I will legally change my name to "Daniel Sponsored by Extremely Generous Benefactor [YOUR NAME HERE] Janis"
$250,000 - Everything from the $100,000 prize (subject to our lawyers working out the mechanics of having two named benefactors), plus I will tattoo a picture of your face on whatever part of my body you choose, as long as it's not visible when wearing business casual attire.