Hello! This coming Sunday, October 27th, I’ll be participating in the American Heart Association’s Greater L.A. Heart & Stroke Walk at the Rose Bowl in memory of my dear Mom, Pat O’Brien, who passed away from a heart attack in June.
It’s difficult to try and find any good in such a devastating loss, so I thought I would give this a try. Selfishly, to try and make myself feel better. Unselfishly, to maybe save some lives and prevent others from having to exist in a world without the ones they love the most.
Heart disease is the #1 killer in the United States. Please consider a donation in honor of my Mom to help the AHA create a world free of heart disease and stroke. Or don’t and just use the money to buy yourself something nice (YOLO), I’ll be walking either way. Here are some Team PatOB donation reward tiers* to motivate you to take a virtual swim through your digital money bin and smash that donate button:
*Disclaimer: some of these may be fake. Don’t let that stop you. Also, there appears to be a $25 minimum online donation here, which is dumb. If you want to donate less you can Venmo me (@MeghanHOBrien) and I'll submit it to the fundraiser/page as a cash donation.
$1 - MOB MERCH TIER:
I’ll send you a selfie/video from the walk
$5 - CHRONICALLY ONLINE TIER (choose one):
I’ll send you a bespoke meme
You send me a bespoke meme
$10 - INTIMACY TIER (choose one):
I’ll tell you one secret
I’ll tell you two secrets
I’ll coerce you into telling me a secret
I’ll tell you a secret about someone else and then you tell it back to me in a funny voice
$15 - ARTHUR TIER (choose one):
I’ll name/rename your pet/child
I’ll give your dog a belly rub (or you, dawg)
$20 - MISS MY MOM TIER:
I’ll send you a random pic of my mom with some O’Brien lore
$25 - CONSPIRATIER:
I’ll tell you about the Denver International Airport
$30 - AFFLECK TIER:
I’ll chug a Dunks mid-walk
$35 - THIS IS HOWIE DO IT TIER (choose one):
I’ll walk it twice
I’ll walk it backwards
I’ll crip walk the whole way
I’ll RUN the walk (1st place guarantee)
I’ll skip the walk and watch a movie of your choice in my bed
$40 - FORCED EXERCISE TIER:
You can come walk with me
$45 - HOLY PALMERS’ KISS TIER:
You can come walk with me and we hold hands the whole time (limit 2)
$50 - BJORN TIER:
You can come walk with me and I’ll let you carry me the whole way
$55 - SOCIAL AVOIDANCE TIER:
You can come walk with me and we pretend we don’t know each other
$60 - PRISON BREAK TIER:
I’ll tell you about the time I ate lunch with Michael Rappaport
$65 - FINANCIAL ADVICE TIER:
I’ll give you a rundown on how much it costs to die
$70 - HOBBIT TIER:
I’ll take you out for second breakfast and/or elevenses (you pay)
$75 - HARIBO TIER:
I’ll eat all of your Halloween candy
$80 - MIRTH TIER:
If I’m gonna spew, I’ll spew into this tier
$85 - SMIRNOFF TIER:
I’ll Ice a fellow walker and demand compliance
$90 - RICHARD KIMBALL TIER:
I’ll switch the Provasic samples
$95 - I’M TRYING TO SLEEP TIER:
I’ll finally tell my loud-ass neighbors to shut the hell up
$100 - PRESIDENTIAL TIER:
I’ll steal the Declaration of Independence
$250 - LINKEDIN TIER:
I’ll accept your offer of a high-six-figure job with full health and retirement benefits
$500 - MET GALA TIER:
I’ll style you for a high-profile event
$750 - ONE LUMP OR TWO TIER:
I’ll dress up as a British nanny just so I can see my kids
$1,000 - STALKER TIER:
I’ll share my location with you for five years (Apple users only)
$5,000 - WELCOME TO PRIMETIME TIER:
I’ll haunt your dreams
All tiers open to negotiation. Thanks! Love you Mom!
